In the 18 months since yanking up roots and moving from British Columbia to Ontario, a lot has happened. Suffice to say, all parts of the ‘Coaching Life Wheel’ have been upturned, even the things I thought were so-called forever.
As a recovering high achiever, this has made me squirm, right down to my sit bones. It’s also given me new empathy for the plant who outgrows its pot, and needs to be split up and made into two. Never the same again. Better? Probably. But still.
In this squirming replanting phase, I’m noticing the phrases and wisdoms that are helping. Just the other day, helping a client affirm a decision, we agreed, the answer was ‘no.’ Interestingly, they didn’t have much resistance to saying no, per se.
But they had some hesitation. It turns out the hesitation was about ‘being a person who says no.’ Because that meant something. It meant being a ‘no-sayer,’ an obstacle, an in-the-way, way of being. This did not sit well. I relate.
I asked the client for permission to share a quote. I told them it was me, I was going to quote me. We had a good laugh over that. It’s this:
“No is the bodyguard of yes.”
And in that moment, we had one of those coaching session shifts. Not fireworks so much as a click.
When you hesitate to say no because you feel you’re in the way of something…
Reframe your no to being the red carpet that allows the yes to occur.
Then all of a sudden your no is a helper of yes. And that feels better.
Have you been pulling your punches, holding back from saying no to something?
What if your no, is actually the guardian of yes?
What does that make possible?
.
.
.
Two years ago, I said no to Deborah Hurwitz who invited me to do something.
Last year, the same thing. Both times, I felt a twinge. I really wanted to say yes because Deborah, I knew, was the real deal, a deeply passionate servant leader. And quite a riot of a woman.
I said no anyway. Because I had too much to protect. A Master’s thesis project. A marriage. Hopes and dreams.
This year, instead of saying no a third time, I said yes. The two years of saying no were what I needed so I could say yes this year. What did I say yes to??
Participating in a virtual speaking gig for the first time in more than two years, a series called:
Productivity for Perfectionists™
Look, this is one of those online series that could have gone either way. It could have turned into a horribly drawn out affair, fluffy cotton candy content (all sugar no nutrition) and incessantly insular, recycled thinking. Instead, this series said ‘no’ to that.
I’m delighted to talk about hard questions facing entrepreneurs and professionals with perfectionistic inclinations:
how do you know what projects to say yes to and which to ditch?
what to do when your Dad kicks you out of his house
why Beethoven’s 5th symphony is a guiding light - if you notice what it does after the first four notes
Deborah does a first rate job curating the content, drawing on her expertise as a Broadway music director and feted film composer. Interested in hearing my interview and those of other wise others? The festivities begin April 3rd.
Register for free access here
There will be demos of practical tools like hypnosis and EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique, or “Tapping”); personal stories, help with overwhelm, and of course, cuss words. Because those come out when you’re trying to say something meaningful.
The series is free and I hope you’ll join in for some or all.
It’s always my pleasure to share resources with you. And my thanks to Deborah for the inviting me and patiently waiting. I guess the third invite’s the charm, eh? It’s been wonderful to get back into the virtual speaking swing of things.
Remember…no is the bodyguard of yes. So when you’re saying yes to something good, good! And when you find yourself saying no, do it knowing that no is making a yes possible, elsewhere in your life.
Register for Productivity for PerfectionistsTM here - it’s free and the series starts April 3!
Photo credit: Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash
nice article Andrea glad I see you active again!