Cranky Business Coaching, 3 Hard Truths & Shame
This is some real talk about shame for entrepreners + a plug
Once in awhile you see something so awesome you actually shriek, stand on your ottoman and say “yes, yes, yes someone finally did it!!!!” And promptly break out in a sweat.
This is a true story. It happened when I read some content from laugh-out-loud, fresh and verry smart coach/Korean-mom by the name of Simone Grace Seol.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
For a while now I’ve been cranky about business coaching. (I said what I said.)
It’s not about the clients, not at all - I LOVE my clients. No, it’s bothered me specifically that:
We aren’t looking at the root causes for what’s happening in business (hey, if you’re resentful that you’re in business and have to do business-y things, hiring another launch consultant is not going to fix that!)
We’re being super mean to ourselves. Oh, the harsh self-talk I’ve heard over the years as a coach! And the insidious low-grade ‘I’m not good enough’ stuff. Ugh. I don’t hate on you, or the person experiencing this. I detest the ecosystem and social context that led to this! (Ask me why I feel so personally about this one. :p)
We’re letting ‘BED’ what I call ‘business er3ct1le dysfunction’ shame us. Simply put, there are a lot of business owners who can’t ‘get it up’ and being wayyyy too mean to themselves about it. (Oh right, this is an example of the second bullet.) Are you taking a long time to get something completed? Got too many thoughts and feel paralysed? Maybe you can’t get over some bad experiences in your business past - hooo, do I feel these.
Cue the shriek I mentioned before.
Yes, this is a shameless (see what I did there?) plug for a short offering that Simone Seol and David Bedrick are putting on called The Shame Clinic for Entrepreneurs. (Click for info.)
It starts in September and I will be in it.
As it happens, I’ve been following David Bedrick’s work for some time, and even inquired about joining one of his programs. When I saw his collab with Simone, well, that was Reason #1 for the shriek. Two of my professional crushes in one place for 5 weeks??
David calls himself a Psychological Activist. Whaaaa….wow, right? Connecting our psychology to the good we want in the world - this to me is the epitome of ‘be the change’ (is it just me or is ‘be the change’ an amazing idea with a biiiiig gap on exactly how to do that?) David’s work fills that gap! Reason #2 for said shriek. You’re getting where this is going.
Now Simone, well, I’ll put it this way. I’ve been that person with the coach training company. I was the person always seeking to push the edges, make fresh combinations a la peanut butter and chocolate, call out BS. Simone does all this and embraces her unique self in a way that makes my heart crack open. (Simone’s IG is here.)
This bit about Simone was the poignant, tender heart of my shriek.
Three Hard Truths
When I look back on my company Wealthy Thought Leader (closed in 2016), the many exciting things we did (over 25 live workshops, for example) and I think about who I was, there are three hard truths for me:
I was too scared to really be all of me.
I was being me, don’t get me wrong! You don’t hand out fake moustaches and assign a ‘business disobedience’ exercise to 80 people, then get them to stare intently at a raisin without expressing some aspects of your soul! But I didn’t:
- Invite my Taiwanese heritage to be. in the room. Not fully. There are so many lessons and traits that make me me, that are to do with my culture.
- I also didn’t skillfully use my passion, or emotions such as anger, to supercharge my work. Again, I did this a little, but, timidly. I was timidly angry and passionate about things. In a lot of ways I still am. It’s part of why I’m writing this!I was too scared to grow too big.
I wanted to scale, and I knew the right things to do to achieve that. I felt clear that my work was in service, and I knew myself - I wasn’t a megalomaniac with corrupt hopes for empire building. I trusted myself to make good choices.
But I had one foot on the gas, and one foot on the break. I was being careful. I held back. My cultural heritage told me I was supposed to be ‘good’ and not stick out. I couldn’t figure out how to do this and grow, so I held my ‘position’ in the market.I was too scared to make big moves when it came to other people.
I’m a natural collaborator, and I’m proud of the many Joint Ventures that led to fabulous things - successful non-profits, trade associations, groundbreaking content. But when I get as honest as I possibly can, I didn’t see myself as a big deal enough to really go for things. My first business, Eureka Recruitment, came about because my 2 business partners in a prior company split up acrimoniously - it was like being the kid and the adults fought all the time. And my time as CoachVille’s COO? That ended with other people receiving a lot of money, but not me. Yeah. I had so much going for me, but…I had (have) trust issues.
Of course, all of this experience gave me empathy, capacity for grief, and lots of wisdom and business tools in my ‘war chest.’ There are lots of happy outcomes. Look, my Dad got his first pair of shoes at age 8. I know how far I’ve come.
But if I had to do it all again? I would look directly in the eyes of shame, and make peace. And from there I’d embrace all of me, get with other ‘big’ folk, be much kinder to myself and GO FOR IT.
Shame is keeping us back.
Not just as entrepreneurs, but as humans. If we didn’t feel ashamed, would there be as many riots, antagonistic conversations within our families, feelings of not enough, violence in the world? Answer: no.
But as far as entrepreneurs: I’ve always said that entrepreneurs are some of the freest people on the planet. Free to create anything, anything, anything.
We need to get help to the entrepreneurs, who like me, held back.
To the entrepreneurs who know they could be bolder, less cranky, more free.
If you could be freed - to your fullest capacity - to powerfully GO FOR what you know is possible through your work, in service to the world…
… wouldn’t that be very special?
I hope you’ll take a look at where you may have some flavour of shame that could be melted, and do that work.
If it’s the right thing to do so in a container led by Simone and David? I hope you’ll do that. Get more info here.
Love always,
Andrea
P.S. I don’t get an affiliate fee so this isn’t a note about a commission I get if you invest in the Shame Clinic for Entrepreneurs. But how about this. Instead, if you invest in the Clinic, I will contribute a 30-minute 1-1 call as my gift to help apply what you learn. I’m not making a big deal official thing about this, it’s not an upsell tactic or attempt to ride on S&D’s coattails (as amazing as they are.) It’s just my way of doubling down and showing support for this beyond typing some words.
P.P.S. I’m still coaching 1-1, just not from a ‘how do I make more money’ sensibility. The clients who’ve found me the past 3 years have wanted to do work that is deep. They want to lead, themselves, and their part of the world. They want more than the trappings. Through COVID, I’ve been thinking of this as a ‘Leading through the Dark’ and it is pretty effing awesome.
P.P.P.S. The theme of this post is about seizing a life that’s completely shameless. So, I’ll put a stake in the ground. I’m looking for a job! I won’t say 9-5, nor do I want a commute. What I want is to be part of something bigger that uses my teaching, coaching, communicating and leading chops in creative ways. Please keep me in mind, okay?
P.P.P.P.S. I know, it’s a lot of PSing I’m doing, but this is the last one. It’s about the shriek. I shrieked (really I did) because I am so f#cking grateful to Simone and David for their work and co-creation. The Shame Clinic *for Entrepreneurs* is ballsy and ovariesy and …because of its existence, I have greater hope for humanity. #CELEBRATING #TheEnd
Thank you for reading. Really, I never ever take it for granted.