No matter how much conflict and strife is around us, if there’s anything we humans can agree on right now, I think it’s something like this:
This is a strange time. At once very pregnant: full, ripening and heavy. And at the same time a little Cheshire-cat-like: unpredictable, bizarre, and filled with the electricity of change…
What do you think, does that cover things for you a little?
Into a moment as wonky as this, I’m sending you heartfelt good wishes for some wiggle room. You know the kind where you feel like you can be just a little bit more yourself? Space to take a deeper breath, then let it go noisily? Yeah, that kind of wiggle room. Room to think about what’s most important.
No doubt about it, change is on its way. And I thought that in today’s post, to help focus on what’s important to us, I’d try to answer two questions:
(1) The first is: What is self-coaching and what if you could do it for yourself readily?
Hey, getting coached by someone else is life-changing and very focusing, that’s for sure. And when things are changing rapidly, it can feel fabulous to be great at coaching yourself. I’m teaching a microclass on this topic this Thursday, and I share one of the key questions below.
(2) Secondly, I’d love to share something I call ‘Pulling a Costanza’ or doing the opposite of what you’ve always done.
For this, I’ve pulled a piece that I regularly reference for clients out of the book, Money, Meaning and Beyond: 27 Unexpected Ways to Create What Really Matters. It’s slightly goofy in a way that I hope is useful to bring new possibilities into view.
As always, thank you for reading, liking, commenting or replying. Is time feeling pregnant and Cheshire-cat-like these days to you, too?
“How to Coach Yourself: A 90-Minute Microclass to Help You Help Yourself”
Thursday, January 21 from 1200-130pm pacific via Zoom
As Ru Paul is fond of saying, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love someone else?” This microclass is focused on THAT. Helping you coach and love yourself so you are more spacious for the things you want to do to serve in the world. In it, we will cover just a handful of things:
a thinking framework (which we’ll work on in worksheet format during the class) so you can turn to it when you’re stuck or sorting something out
hands-on practice using the framework on an issue you’re working on (or you can make one up) so you can anticipate your future stumbling blocks
insight into why many people believe you can’t coach yourself, and why that’s not true
And finally, at the end of our call, we’ll do a little laser coaching, for emphasis. This will either reinforce the fact that you have coached yourself well, and/or I’ll provide some input into how you can continue to hone your self-coaching skills. In other words…
When you join this Microclass, you’ll get a “Coaching-session-for-yourself” in the form of a worksheet - one that you can return to again and again.
It’s such a thrill to finally deliver this class as a kickoff to 2021, when so much change is in the air, and when one of my favourite questions is so relevant: “what is sustaining my stuckness?” Let’s talk about that in the microclass, shall we?
To reserve your seat, click here to make the one-time USD $35 payment. With this, you’ll also receive a $35 credit towards a future offering, should you wish that.
Oh and yes, I do hope you can attend live, but if you just can’t, I get it. Yes. There will be a recording and full notes sent out to you, afterwards.
And now… to the topic of ‘doing the opposite.’
You’re probably familiar with a television sitcom called ‘Seinfeld.’ Whether you’ve watched the show once, too many times, or never, you probably remember the story of one of Jerry Seinfeld’s friends, a character named George Costanza.
George was one of those people who couldn’t do anything right. In his thirties, he still lived at home, had no job, no relationship and was losing the rest of his hair. Oh and yes, he was short and generally thought of as unattractive.
He put it something like this:
George: It’s not working, Jerry. It’s just not working.
Jerry: What’s not working?
George: Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable, I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but ... I was perceptive. I always know when someone’s uncomfortable at a party. It became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I’ve ever made, in my entire life, has been wrong. My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, be it something to wear, something to eat ... it’s all been wrong.
Sound familiar? We all have our ‘George’ moments, when we feel like we’re getting nowhere, and we don’t know what to do about it. We feel miserable and unworthy, useless and helpless. We feel like George.
But one day, in one of the ‘Seinfeld’ episodes that takes place in their neighbourhood diner, George has an epiphany. In all his frustration, he decides on a lark to do the ‘opposite’.
Waitress: Okay and how about you? What’ll you have?
George: The usual...tuna on toast...
Waitress: Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.
George: Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute. I always have tuna on toast. Nothing’s ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of tuna on toast. Chicken salad on rye, un-toasted, with a side of potato salad and a cup of tea.
Elaine: Well, there’s no telling what can happen from this.
At that moment, the camera shows a beautiful woman at the diner turning around and looking George right in the face from across the room. Eyes glowing, George’s future-wife says, “Wow, that’s exactly what I ordered.”
Seemingly like magic, by deciding to leave behind an old identity like George, you too can find new ways of being that change everything in an instant. How might doing the opposite - even just a little - look for you this week?
When you’re stuck, spinning your wheels, or just generally feeling thwarted by life, stop pushing your energy in the same stuck direction. Instead, try the opposite. Close your eyes for just one moment and visualize yourself slowly turning around. Now, open your eyes.
You might be surprised at what ‘looks you in the face.’
Excerpted from: Money, Meaning and Beyond: 27 Unexpected Ways to Create What Really Matters by Tina Forsyth and Andrea J. Lee
I am #proud and privileged to get to coach people who are determined to do the work of midwiving change, willing to try the opposite of what you’ve always done. Thank you to Dr. Avis Jones-De Weever for that honour in years past, and for your kind words above.
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